How to Get Rid of Monsters

We read a monster book tonight about how monsters are born under kids beds. Weird I know . . . on a side note . . . I often wonder how some of these kid's books ever got published in the first place?? Anyway, when I went to tuck A, age 4, into bed, he pulled the covers up to right beneath his little chin and said with fear in his eyes, "Mommy, what if a monster is born under my bed tonight?" To which I responded, "Well, then you can take your two fingers and just squish him up." Then this conversation ensued:

A: "But my fingers aren't big enough."

M: "Oh yeah. You're probably right."

A: "Are monsters real?"

M: "Nope."

A: "Then why did somebody make that monster book?"

M: "People like to make pretend things so we can use our imagination."

A: "Well, whenever I think of scary things, I always think of monsters and then I hide under my covers like this!"

M: "Well, let me tell you something about monsters.  Now, it's a secret, so are you sure you want to know?"

A: "Yes!"

M: "Well, there are very few things that monsters are scared of, but I can tell you the ones I know for sure."

A: "What!?"

M: "Monsters are very very very scared of Mommies!"

He then got really wide eyed and a huge smile on his face.

A: "Why? What do mommies do to monsters!?"

M: "Well, monsters are afraid of mommies because they know that if a mommy catches a monster then she will grab him and bake him in the oven and eat him right up for dinner."

A: "Whoah!! That would be disgusting!"

M: "Yep . . . that's why monsters don't ever come where a mommy lives. They do not like to be baked and eaten up."

A: "Who else are they afraid of?"

M: "Babysitters!"

A: "What do babysitters do to them?"

M: "Babysitters grab them quick and pop them in the microwave which makes the monsters explode!" 

A: "Really!? Wow! Are they afraid of anything else like dragons or super heroes?"

M: "They are only a little afraid of those things. BUT, there is ONE more thing they are very very very very afraid of!"

Again . . . realllllly wide eyed and excited!

A: "WHAT?! 

M: "Boys named Alex!"

A huge smile spreads across his no longer scared face....

A: "Why!?"

M: "Well, you don't know why?!"

A: "No. Why?"

M: "Well, it's because they know that boys named Alex are really really good at Karate and that if they come anywhere where a boy named Alex lives, that boy named Alex will karate chop him right up!"

Very very wide eyed now.....

A: "How do monsters know that?"

M: "Well . . . somehow they just know...."

A: "I think they know that because boys named Alex can kick harder than anybody and punch harder than anybody. That's how they know."

M: "hmmmmm . . . . ya know . . . I think you might be right. Good night Karate Boy."

Happy contented smile . . .

A: "Good night mommy."